Dec 2011 - Addisyn, Jake & Joseph

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Just not feeling it today....

I'm really just feeling overwhelmed, upset, ashamed, guilty today.  My sister Sam came in to visit from Denver & she, my sister & her BF & my nephew, my parents, my cousin Denise all came over for some pizza after work & just so everyone can see each other.  Well first off my DH had a Christmas party for his work & got there alittle after everyone arrived.  So we all ate & DH just did other things, so I ASSUMED he wasn't hungry cuz he would have ate at the party.  Well after everyone left he started playing a damn guilt trip on me like always (b/c he knows I get easly upset/guilty)  I said I cannot believe you didn't leave me any pizza... Ok first off when you saw us all eating why didn't you come over & eat.  Also he said he didn't eat at the party (Ok what did you do then???).  So ok he made me cry.  Then I've got a situation w/ our babysitter all off sudden smoking in the downstairs bathroom.  Our house is smoke free & I have childern in my house & one that's already has congestion when she breathes.. Why would you feel like smoking in the house????  I understand it's cold out, but come on treat it like a job & you cannot smoke on a job you have to go outside to do it.  This is the second time I've noticed my bathroom smelling like smoke.  My husband won't say anything to her b/c he's affraid she'll get mad & quit & I don't have the guts to confront her about it myself.  Also my DH has known her since he was a kid b/c he is BFF's w/ her son.  I do understand its our house & we should tell her to please don't smoke in it, but I don't know how to tell her w/o putting bad vibes between us & creating awkward moments from that point on.  I HATE awkward moments.  I wish my DH would understand that this is about the kids & their health.  I know I hate my house smelling like smoke & I don't want that bathroom to start smelling like it all the time & think about how it'll turn buyers off when we do go to sell it.  I can deal w/ that right now no matter how much it bothers me, but what scares me & bothers me most is the twins health. I don't want them around 2nd hand smoke it's as bad as 1st hand & especially on babies who are still developing.  I just need some idea's on how to tell her w/o hurting her feelings or sounding rude or mean.  UGH, What should I do?????

So I'm just feeling blah cuz I have that on my mind & then the whole stupid pizza thing w/ DH & I'm just feeling so damn bad right now.  I sersiouly have tears in my eyes.  That's just who I am, I'm very emotional.  I also want to have some sexy time w/ DH since we didn't get to last night cuz I was asleep before he came up & when I mentioned it to him today he just kinda said "Blah"... He said where's my pizza.. Whatever, please just drop it.  I just feel like I cannot do it anymore.. I try so hard to provide for my family & be the best wife/mom I can.  I'm running out.  DH has another X-mas party for his ex-employer (which he really doesn't have to go to, just going for free beer/food) it starts at 3pm & his boss is letting him go early, so I kindly asked him if he can be home by the twins bed time so he can help me... (that's 4.5-5 hours of drinking/eating socializing) he said no I don't think I'll be home by then, anyways I know he'll be drunk by then so I don't really know how much help he'll be anyways, we'll probably end up arguing all night & end up w/ me crying.  So anyways the reason I asked him to be home is b/c I offered to watch my BFF daughter who is about a year & a half from like 7pm-11pm.  I'm just worried that it's going to be hard to put the twins to bed w/ her cuz what do I do w/ her then... Stick her in the pac-n-play until I have them in bed so I then now for sure she is safe by herself for a few minutes while I put them to bed??  That is the only thing I'm worried about & what if the twins are having a bad day that day & I need help???  What if I have 3 cranky babies by myself along w/ two annoying dogs to deal w/????? 

Ok, well I'm done venting, but really not feeling better getting that out like I thought I would.  I just cannot wait for the weekend to be over....

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