Dec 2011 - Addisyn, Jake & Joseph

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Not feeling it today....

So it's Thursday & DH is suppose to go put the boat in the water tomorrow & then stay at the camper till Sunday.  I'm just not ready for all the stress of being at home alone taking care of two dogs & twins by myself. I really don't need this w/ being pregnant, but I don't think DH gets that I'm pregnant & need help w/ things right now.  Anyways he calls me today & wants to go down there tonight.  WTH?!?!!?!?  To me it feels that he doesn't wanna be w/ or around the twins & I or something.  Whatever.  I know I have gained lots & lots of weight & I'm very, very, very unattractive right now.  After this pregnancy I am going to TRY really hard after this pregnancy to loose at least 75lbs by next summer 2012 to start w/.  I just need support.  Yes, I'm very uncomfortable w/ myself right now & that's the reason why I didn't want to go anywhere since the twins were born b/c I'm uncomfortable w/ myself & being in public. 

Anyways, I'm trying really hard not to stress over this & to just make do w/ the twins this weekend & have fun w/ them.  I just hate it so much, but then when he's home it is not any different b/c he's either going out w/ friend & then to hung over the next day or sleep all day.  We don't do much fun & my house is the nastiest mess I've seen it in a long time.  I need help cleaning but he wont help.  I do so  much by myself. 

Ok, i'm feeling bad for going on & on but I had to get that off of my chest.  Since I'm too embarrassed to say anything to anyone else. 

Anywho, I'm going to take my dad & the twins to dinner tomorrow night so I'm excited.  Then I just have to figure out what to do Saturday & Sunday so we don't have to sit around the house all day.

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