Dec 2011 - Addisyn, Jake & Joseph

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

September Already :-(

Well my littlest man will offically be one on 9/26/12 & it's a sad, sad occasion (for momma) only b/c he's growing up so quickly & he's my last baby....  His party will be 9/22/12.  He's grown up much faster then the twins did (so it seems).  He's been walking since 9 months & he no longer has a bottle, I stopped that a month sooner then I planned b/c I happened to run out of formula when he turned 11 months & just decided (with the knowledge of my mom).  My next goal is to get the paci away from him before he turns one & this is going to be the hard one.  He only uses it at bedtimes, but it's going to be hard & lack of sleep for a few days.  Anyways, that's about it for Jake but here is a updated picture of him.

Jake & Addi
 Jake & Addi @ the Zoo
 Here is my wonderful Trio.... Jake, Joe & Addi

So as for the twins Addisyn will be starting preschool this Thursday.  Joey will not b/c he is not potty trained.  It was a rough decision to make about either making Addi wait till Joey was potty trained, or letting her start before him since she's been trained since April.  Then how is it fair to punish Addi b/c Joey doesn't have any interest in going potty. We'll see how it goes.  That's really about all on updates or anything really new for them. 

So on another note I really don't know what's wrong with me.  I feel so very depressed in a very bad way.  I sometimes take it out on the twins b/c they frustrate me to no end w/ not listening to me AT ALL.  They make me have to serisouly scream at the top of my lungs to get them to do something.  Then I start crying b/c I don't want to be like that.  I also really don't think my husband loves me like he use to.  He shows no sign of it & I feel like we are very distance lately.  Then I think it might be all my fault.  I'm so super stressed out & it's leaving me bitter (as he puts it).  I think I've been very negative about everything.  I cry at a drop of the hat.  I told Chris people seem to be rubbing me the wrong way from the trailer & I even told him I just don't know why & his reply as the loving supportive husband he is was " You're just weird" & he didn't say that joking he was serious.  I can't even talk to my husband about what's been going on with me & how I'm feeling.  He has no sympathic bone in his body & I'll be lucky if he even listens.  I just need someone to hear me & tell me it'll be OK & everything will get better & help me thru this stage.  I want to stop being the person I am now.... I want my old self back.  Then add to it my fat disgusting body & that makes everything worse.  I have nothing nice to wear & my clothing all resemebles a very fat person of just stretch pants & fat tops.  I want to change so bad.  I've been working out on my treadmill, but after all the hard work I gained 8lbs within 3 weeks... Seriously WTF, 8 lbs that's about 2.5 lbs a week?!?!??!?!?! I'm going to be fat for the rest of my life.  I'm literally 100lbs over weight & I HATE it.  My husband HATES me & isn't the slightest attracted to me anymore.  I need him to listen to my issues & don't make fun of me & HELP ME thru this so he & my kids can get the wife/mom that I really am.  I've been the worst mom ever lately & I'm sure all my kids hate me.   Oh well I have to stop crying so I'm ending here.  I NEED HELP & I just don't know who to talk too....

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