25 weeks 4 days pregnant

Ok, I'm going to try this again & hopefully it posts. 

I went in this morning for my hour glucose screening.  Hoping to not recieve the dreaded call that I failed & then have to go back for the 3 hours test. 

Here is alittle update on what's been going on so far:

I went in for a follow-up anatomy scan on Thrusday 6/23 (24w6d) and the baby is doing great. He's healthy & seems happy & weighing in at a whopping 1 lb 15 oz.  The OB that's taking care of all my screening thinks that baby is growing to big.  He's still measuring alittle over 5 days ahead.  The doctor came in after my U/S & said " so I'm going to guess you've gained about 15lbs so far this pregnancy!" My reply "No, I've actually lost about 10 according to my last doctor appt." He said then he beleives that I'm probably feeding the wrong foods to the baby.  He said we'll wait till you get the glucose test done & wants me back in 9 weeks to see how much the baby weighs then.  Ok, from what I've read an average weight for a fetus at 25 weeks is about a pound & a half so mine really isn't that far off?!?!??! I'm just confused & now I'm somewhat scared & worried that my baby will get way to big & that won't be healthy for him.  I also feel alittle horrible if I am feeding the baby wrong.  Anyways I go to my regular OB next Tuesday 7/5 for my monthly exam so we'll see if I have yet gained any weight (I feel like I have this past 5 weeks) & I'll bring up some of the concerns form the other doctor & see what he thinks. 

Oh & here is a picture from the ulrasound 6/23/11

Well this weekend is the Holiday weekend & my favorite one at that.  Friday after work we'll be going to the Islands up to the trailor for the night & then heading home late Saturday night.  Then on Sunday we'll be heading South to a family picnic for the whole day (2.5 hour drive), which I cannot wait to see family again.  I think that on Monday the actually 4th of July is going to be a relaxing day except maybe see fireworks later that day.  Then prepare for a 1/2 day at work on Tuesday then my monthly doctor appt.

Happy 4th of July :)

UGH

I just posted a very long updated & the computer didn't save if & when I hit publish post all was lost so I'll have to come back & update my blog later when I get another second.

A new day!!

Well even though it's a new day I still feel like shit.  I'm just feeling so bummed out & really depressed.  I just want to hide for a bit.

Joey was very cranky today from the moment I was carrying him down the stairs.  He was just whinning over nothing.  I felt like I was about to lose it.  Addi wasn't any better w/ her crying.  I really hate when my morning start off like that.  I already don't have enough time to myself before work & when something between the twins or the dogs don't go right & throw me off my morning routine then forget it.  Chris on the other hand went back to bed so i have no idea what the heck is up w/ him. 

Joey is now at the point where he can reach the top drawers in the kitchen & those hold all the dangerous items that he doesn't need to be playing w/.  I have bought & been asking the hubby to please install the child safety on them for MONTHS & he hasn't done it, b/c sleeping & drinking are more important then his kids safety.  Whatever, I guess I'm going to have to try to do it myself this weekend.  Just like everything else around this house.  I'm just so frustrated & sometimes just feel like giving up, but don't worry I won't ever do that to my children, they definitely need a mom.  Is it just horrible that sometimes I wish that something bad (but not that bad just bad enough to hurt, but get fixed) would happen to my hubby so he'd wake up and realize he needs to stop drinking every weekend to the point he's wasted & keeps screwing things up.  Like he has been saying his stomach hurts & last night I thought it was just a way to try to get sympathy from me so he can go lay down, but he took off today b/c of it & I'm secretly wish that it's b/c of his drinking & taking pain pills while drinking is finally screwed up his stomach.  But I only want it to the point where he will get better w/ doctor care & finally taking responsibility for his family.  I hate thnking this way but I cannot help it.  I also sometimes hope that something happens to me where I'm put in the hospital for a few days (but nothing serious for the baby nor me) just so he can see what it's like to be left alone w/ having to do everything himself w/ no help. This is the most horrible way of thinking ever & I really don't want to be away from the twins I'm already dreading having to stay in the hospital after this baby is born. 

Well I guess I better get going.  I've got alot of thinking to do.  On a good note.. .. I get to see baby Jacob again on Thursday at my ultrasound.  Whoo Hoo, just hope all is still going great.

Update & Rough times!!

I have been so horrible about keeping this up-to-date & I want to beat myself up over it.  Well here is what's happened so far. 

I'm currently 24 weeks 3 days pregnant & it's been a great pregnancy so far as in no complications.  We've found out we're having a little boy & we'll be naming him Jacob Christopher.  I kinda really wish I can get my hubby off of that name b/c to many people are starting to name their sons Jacob & I'd like to go w/ another name.  I really like Brayson or Zachery, but he's stuck on Jacob.  I'm going back for a repeat anatomy scan this Thursday 6/23 so they can get a look at his heart & facial features b/c he was hiding his face.  Also I have not gained a pound yet this pregnancy I've actually lost almost 12 lbs, but I'm pretty sure I've probably made that up in the last couple weeks b/c I've been so very hungry & eating so much bad food. 

The twins are doing awesome & growing up every day which is very depressing, but exciting at the same time.  They are running around everywhere & saying more words everyday.  I just taught then how to do "More" in sign laungage & they look so cute doing it.  Addisyn can say "Bye, Bye", "Hot", "kitty cat" clearly & we're working on more words.  Joseph on the other hand has said a few words "car", "dog", "Grandma" & a few others but he doesn't say them on a regular bases like Addi does. 

On to other things.... Life is really hard right now & I'm really not sure if it's just b/c I'm pregnant & over reaacting or if it's just the frustrating really starting to come out.  I just wish my hubby would grow up alittle more and realize that drinking to get drunk every single weekend just isn't an opition anymore b/c we are not single, college kids anymore.  Right now I'm at a point were chasing two one year old around w/ a big ole belly isn't getting easier it's actually getting harder as the weeks tick away.  I really don't know what to do & I cannot say anything b/c then I'm nagging or being a bitch or whatever else he says to me.  All I want is just alittle more help around the house & w/ the kids & w/o me having to ask him over & over again for help.  It's just not fair that he's gotten so many weekends away w/ the guys while I haven't had one, not one since they were born, but he doesn't understand why not.  Most of my close friends have all grown up & are pregnant or have childern & are married, so it's harder to get out w/ them for a couple hours at night let alone a weekend or over night.  Then he gets all pissed off & yells at me or cuses & swears at me b/c then I'm not being fair.  How much more fair can I get, seriously?  I'm just getting more tired & exhausted as the days go by b/c I have to do everything. 

Example today hubby sleeps in & goes into work later & then comes home & all he wants to do is go to sleep b/c supposely his stomach hurts (a bullshit line to make me feel bad for him) but I can never feel ill... I tell him no just wait & help me for the last hour then we'll put the twins to bed & then he can go to bed.. No all hell broke loose right in front of the twins, he started swearing at me telling me he never gets a break (HELLO, what about me)???  Finally I get so upset & didn't want to look at him anymore.  I just feel like a single parent.  I even have to do all the house work b/c he's so damn lazy.  He is always drinking & going out w/ friends on the weekend & then sleeping all the next day leaving me w/ everything to do.

I feel so completely like a horrible mom.  I'm constantly yelling at the twins & get so very mad at them & for really no reason.  Then I feel completely horrible.  I don't know why I do this & if it's my hormones or what's wrong w/ me, I don't like acting & screeming like this in front of my poor babies.  I think I need help or maybe I really need a break some time alone to relax.  I'm over doing it & just so tired.  Even when we go to the trailor for the weekend it's ME that gets stuck doing everything b/c his friends want him to do this or that & he sits & drinks so I don't get to relax.  I just get the feeling he doesn't like to be around me anymore b/c I've turned into a bitch.  I wouldn't want to be w/ myself, but he needs to wake up & help me more & Let me take breaks w/o feeling guilty about it.

I really don't know where our relationship is going.  We yell at each other all the time & things just are not the same for us.  Alot has changed & hubby just doesn't show any emotion or show that he even cares about me.  I'm sick of all this negativity around the twins b/c it's not good for them or me or anyone.  My one dream was to raise my family in a loving home & w/ a dad that loved being w/ his children & put his family first before his friends, not 2nd or 3rd like we are now.  I really, really don't know what to do. 

Then bring on my job it's a joke in itself & I want out so bad but I suck & do not have any degree so I'm stupid & stuck in a ignorant job.  Hubby doesn't (won't) let me leave the City, but the only way is if I can get paid better somewhere else.  He really doesn't understand it's so stressful & hard & tiring on me.  I need to go, NOW!!!!  My talents are being wasted.  I really, really hope I can stay home w/ the children after I have this baby. 

I'm really stuck in a rough spot & very, very depressed & stressed out & very tired.  I need answers I need to know what to do.  I'm stuck!!!  Please let things turn?!!?!?!??!?!?

Here are some new photo's.

Addi ~posing at the pool.

Joey, Mommy & Addi on our boat.

Long day at the Zoo, holding hands.

Giving his sister a ride.