Dec 2011 - Addisyn, Jake & Joseph

Wednesday, July 13, 2011


Well went to the doctor last Tuesday 7/5/11 & thankfully I passed the glucose test, Whoo Hoo.. Thank you.  I'm really surprised b/c of how overweight I am to begin w/.  I've gained almost 20lbs in 5 weeks, so I've gained a total of 10lbs this pregnancy.  I personally think that's alot of weight in just alittle over a month, but the doc wasn't concerned.  So other then that I'm doing ok still w/ the pregnancy.  The weather has been really hot & humid out which I LOVE, but it hit me really hard yesterday, I felt so completely exhausted & weak.  So this weather for the first time in my life is starting to bother me.  Alot of things are starting to get harder on me. 

Ok as for the twins we officially converted their cribs into toddler day beds on Sunday night so tonight marks the 4th night & so far all is good (fingers crossed I don't want to jinx myself tonight) even the naps have been good.

Addi's bed

Joey's bed

So since they have been doing so good I don't understand why I feel like such a horrible mom for changing thier cribs already.  Why do I constantly feel like crying (maybe the hormones, who knows).  So the next move will be in early September to move Addi's bed into Joey's room so when the baby comes he will be in his own room until he is sleeping thru the night & then Addi will go back into her room & Joey & the baby will share a room.  I am seperating them for now b/c I don't want the baby waking up Joey in the middle of the night.  Then our next adventure will be to start trying to potty train towards the end of this year.  We're going to "try" & if it doesn't work we just stop & try again later.  i'm not going to force them into it if they are not ready but it'd be awesome to have them out of daipers by the time they are two & I know it'll be a miracle too.  LOL.

Ok as for me I'm really, really highly upset w/ my weight & that I ever let myself get to this point after all that hard work I went thru years ago to lose 65-70lbs.  What really hurt me was last night I was walking accross the street b/c my hubby & kids were in the neighbors pool & a car driving by on the other street yelled out "Shamu" & that really, really hurt me really bad.  I couldn't help but cry last night & everytime I think about it b/c Im so fricken fat & there is noone to blame but myself.  I know I gained alot of weight w/ the twins but I had a year before I got pregnant again & I could have al least lost 50lbs w/i that time.  I had no excuse.  Why wait till January to start Weight Watchers again & doing great only to get pregnant that same month.  I told myself this time around I'm going to join WW right away & start a diet as soon as the baby is born.  I'm going to start running agian as soon as I get the A-OK from my OB.  I am not going to wait a year to start getting in shape.  I'm probably 130 lbs over weight right now & that is totally embarrassing to think that.  I am feeling that my hubby doesn't even love me or even find me attractive at all b/c he never tells me I look nice in years or slap my ass in a playful way or say anything to make me think he's still attractive to me like he use to always do it before I got FAT as Shamu.....  I'm disgusted, embarrassed, sick.....  I look at myself & I totally don't blame hubby for not being attracted to me I'm very disgusting looking w/ all my fat rolls everywhere.  I don't even like going anywhere b/c I'm so nasty looking.  I really want to feel the way I did years ago.  I was in shape & happy & healthy.  If I don't changed something soon my health is going to get really bad.  I need to change things NOW w/ my eating & then later (after baby) w/ my workouts & diet. 

Well gotta go I had to tell how I was feeling after that Shamu comment b/c It's really, really bothering me & I cannot get it off my mind. 

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